Child Arrangements at Christmas

Christmas can be a magical time — but for separating or divorced parents, it can also be challenging to navigate. When children are involved, you want them to have a wonderful time, and you want to enjoy creating memories with them. Deciding who has them and when can fell stressful, emotional, and sometimes even a little competitive.

Why Christmas Can Be Tricky

Every family celebrates differently. For some, Christmas Eve is the big event; for others, it’s Christmas morning, Boxing Day gatherings, nativity plays, or extended family visits. When parents are no longer together, these traditions can collide.

Factors that often influence arrangements include:

·       How far apart parents live

·       The importance of seeing extended family

·       Which days hold special meaning for each household

·       Travel time, school schedules, and work commitments

The key is remembering there isn’t one “perfect” solution — only what works best for your children and you as a family.

Tips for Smooth Christmas Arrangements

Here are some practical tips to keep stress levels low:

·       Aim to put the children first – Ask yourself: What will make them feel calm, happy, and loved?

·       Plan early – Agreeing in advance avoids last-minute stress and awkward conversations. It helps with understanding and expectations.

·       Consider fairness and flexibility – Alternating years, splitting the day, or sharing the wider holiday period are all options.

·       Communicate respectfully – Keep the focus on your children, not on old disagreements.

·       Keep traditions alive (or invent new ones) – Two Christmas dinners? Multiple present-opening sessions? Why not! Children adapt quickly when they see their parents staying positive and cooperative.

 Case Example

Sarah and Tom were struggling to agree on Christmas after their divorce. Sarah’s family always celebrated on Christmas Eve, while Tom’s family had Boxing Day traditions with extended relatives and a big meal. With some planning, they decided Sarah would have Christmas Eve and the morning, Tom would take the afternoon and Boxing Day, and they’d meet mid-week for a joint hot chocolate and mince pie session. The kids loved it, and both parents felt they had started a tradition they could continue in future years.

 When to Consider Mediation

If discussions get heated, or you feel stuck, family mediation offers a neutral space to talk safely and make plans. A mediator can help you:

·       Explore flexible solutions

·       Balance each parent’s priorities and discuss the impact on the children

·       Create arrangements that work, not just for this Christmas, but for future years

 Remember: Christmas is about children feeling loved and secure. With calm planning, clear communication, and (where possible) a sprinkle of festive humour, it can be memorable and happy for everyone.